Friday, March 29, 2013

easter gratitude

i thought this weeks gratitude should be for something that i am always grateful for and always using.   the Atonement of Jesus Christ.    i am always trying to better myself and none of that effort would do any good with out this tremendous act of love and mercy.    

this week, my tomboy princess gets to give a talk in church.   we talked a lot about Easter.   she decided she liked the symbols of Easter and the meaning behind them.

her is her talk and the 3 symbols she wanted to share with everyone:

My family and I have been talking about Easter and it's symbols for the past week.   I would like to tell you about some of the symbols that i liked.

The first symbol is the egg and chick.   The hard shell represents the stone tomb that Jesus Christ was buried in.   The chick represents new life.   When a chick hatches, it symbolizes Jesus's resurrection.   The chick comes out of the hard shell like Jesus came out of the stone tomb.



The second symbol is lilies.  I like this symbol because my grandma has lilies.   The white blossoms are symbolic of of the purity of Jesus Christ.   When lilies bloom, it represents new life and the Resurrection.

The third symbol is the butterfly.   The life cycle of the butterfly represents Christ's life.   The caterpillar represents His life on earth.  The cocoon represents His crucifixion and burial in the tomb.  The butterfly coming out of the cocoon represents Jesus arising from the dead and coming out of the tomb. 

I really enjoyed learning about the symbols of Easter.   I didn't know there were so many Easter symbols and  I didn't know their meanings.   I know these symbols will help me remember the true meaning of Easter.   I hope they will help you remember that Easter is about Jesus Christ too.
I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

because she has to give this talk in german, we had some dear friends translate it for us.   we are grateful for them as well.

here it is in german:

Meine Familie und ich haben letzte Woche über Ostern und seine Symbole gesprochen.
Ich möchte über einige Symbole sprechen, die mir gefallen haben. 

Das 1. Symbol ist das Ei und das Küken.Die harte Schale stellt das Steingrab dar in dem Jesus begraben wurde.Das Küken ist ein Symbol für neues Leben. Das ausgebrütete Küken  symbolisiert  die Auferstehung Jesu Christi.Es befreit sich aus der harten Schale, genauso wie Jesus Christus  sich aus dem Steingrab befreite.

Das 2. Symbol sind Lilien. Mir gefallen Lilien, weil meine Oma Lilien im Garten hat und mein Name leitet sich von dieser Blume ab.Die weissen Blüten stellen die Reinheit von Jesus Christus dar.Wenn Lilien blühen ist es wie ein neues Leben und die Auferstehung.

Das 3. Symbol ist der Schmetterling.Der Lebenslauf eines Schmetterlings stellt symbolisch das Leben Jesu Christi dar.











Die Raupe bedeutet sein Leben auf der Erde.Die Verpuppung bedeutet seine Kreuzigung und sein Begräbnis.Und  der Schmetterling, der aus der Puppe hervorkommt,stellt die Auferstehung von den Toten dar.

Ich habe viel von den Ostersymbolen gelernt. Ich wusste nicht, dass es so viele davon gibt, und ich kannte ihre Bedeutung nicht.
Diese Symbole helfen mir an die wahre Bedeutung von Ostern zu denken.
Ich hoffe, dass es euch auch hilft daran zu denken, dass Ostern mit Jesus Christus zu tun hat.
 
ich sage dieses im Namen Jesu Christi
Amen


i love the imagery of these symbols.  i knew the chick and egg but had never thought about the hard shell being the grave and the new chick representing the new life Christ took up upon resurrection.   

i love the imagery of the butterfly as well.   the always busy, constant growth that was required of Christ to be able to fulfill His calling is reflected in the little caterpillar constantly eating and growing getting ready for it's transformation.   the amazing way a caterpillar changes is significant as well.   think of how a caterpillar hangs itself up and just sheds the last skin to reveal this shell the hardens into a chrysalis.   Christ gave himself to hang on the cross.   He gave His own flesh and blood for us willingly.   He was then sealed in a stone tomb, this hard shell.   just days after that happened, He reemerged to show His glorified and changed body.   truly able to show His true self.   the words, "with healing in His wings" come to mind with this thought.
i'm sure we will be using this as an object lesson from now on when the kids find any form of this amazing creature.       

I hope the words of a young girl have touched you.   i hope you feel a renewed sense of the beautiful reason we celebrate this Easter. 

Thursday, March 21, 2013

imagine the gratitude


if you have imperfect vision, you get to see part of the world fuzzy.

it's kind of cool unless you need to know what is actually going on.

other than that little problem, it is a blessing.   i love looking at the fuzzy world and deciding that things are not as they might normally appear.   i may know that it's a dog and a guy walking down the street but without my glasses, it looks like a sasquatch and his son, or a large mushroom and her daughter.   depending on how far away they are, they can be all kinds of things.

now, put your glasses on, and do the same.   look at the world and think, that needs to be purple and green with orange spots .    now, see it . . really see it.  

the trees brushing the clouds in the sky's hair.    the stick rolling and laughing in the dirt.   the buildings discussing the people walking by.

here's some simple ones . . slide on the ice, jump in the puddle, make the snowman, feel the sun, listen to the rain.   smell the tree bark and feel the flowers.

there is no reason to take your feet off the ground, but you have to poke your head up, shake out your hair, squint your eyes, and cup your hands over your ears.   really, it doesn't sound like the ocean but it's cool, even better if you put one end of a slinky over each ear and move your head, that's awesome!   if you squint your eyes enough, your lashes will form little stars over your vision.    now, pull your hair up and over your head and put on your glasses over your hair.    oh yeah!    classic uncle it.   now, just lean over and look at your feet surrounded by your hair.   isn't this fun?

ok, i'm easily amused but i am never bored.  i 'll take silly over bored any day.

ok, that's it.

i just wanted to say, stop being so serious!  other's may think your crazy, but we both know better.



ooh, one more, lean over, relax your face, and shake really fast while making noise . . .wait, just bounce your lips with your finger.   that's fun too.   wait, another one - you know that song that's stuck in your head, sing out loud and dance to it.   no, walk like a duck or a chicken or a monkey.    oooh, elephant trunk arm!   yeah, that's fun too.

and now, i am done. . . .for now. . unless i have some other crazy thing jump into my head . . .

the moral of this story is this, be responsible, take care of your family and friends.   always try to make yourself a better person than you were the day before.   love God with all your heart, mind, and soul.   you can do that and be a silly crazy silly kid at the same time.   enjoy the ride all the way to the end.   you only get to take it once.  

and finally -

Monday, March 18, 2013

trust yourself

today, i am grateful that i'm not a science fiction character.   


ok, not really . . .no wait, i am, but that's not my gratitude for the day.

i am grateful for that inner voice.
  
i am grateful for the trust i have within.

i am grateful for the lunatic part of me that always keeps me entertained.

i am grateful that i know myself.
 
i am grateful that i am what i am and that i can become something better.

Friday, March 15, 2013

spiral braid

this was a fun braid to do.   i separated and braided half a circle at a time.  
you can leave it like this, just hanging down but i brought it back up and tucked it through the braid so it was tied a pony.   you could continue it around into a bun as well.





dinosaur/dragon lasagna

my little blond curls asks me really strange things at dinner time.   he asks, "who we eating?", "we having camel?", "is that cat?", "can we have dragon for dinner?".
to be fair, most kids switch some of those important who, what, where words up at first.   mine is learning 2 languages at the same time where who is wer and where is who and what is was in the other language.   so i like to think he really means what instead of who.
i am a smart mouthed mommy so i'm always telling him we are having weird things.   i'm also an informative mommy so when he asks if we are having camel, i inform him that we are not but they do eat camel in other countries.    of course, my other kids ask what else people eat and the conversation continues.   my towering teen likes to tease the other two as well.   (i don't know where he gets it)   so he brings up all kinds of other animals that get eaten.

always weird at my house.

 the dragons and dinosaurs come in with my zucchini lasagna.   i use small ones so i can leave the skin on.   it looks like scales or lizard skin.   you could add them to spaghetti sauce or whatever.   works the same.   you can call carrots giraffe,  egg plant is platypus, you get the idea.   my kids like veggies so i don't have to sneak things in, but if you do, this might be a good way.

enough talk, let's make the food already!

i always end up with too much in my layers and not enough pasta so my lasagna falls apart.   this time was better.   i mixed up all the chopped veggies together and the sauce and cottage cheese together.   less layers and i still get everything i want.   of course, every veggie layer gets shredded cheese.   just a little.  maybe a couple of cups per layer. . . just short of half a pound is all. . . per layer. . .x 3 . . . or 4.

i don't cook anything first.   a little sauce, then noodles, veggies and cheese, noodles, sauce/cottage cheese, noodles . . . . . end with cheese of course.  i cover mine with a platter so the cheese doesn't burn.

sometimes i use zucchini instead of noodles.   just slice them about 1/4 inch thick.   give or take a little.   still no need to cook them first either.    


veggie layer, before cheese or you can't see anything.
 last sauce cottage cheese layer with cheese on top.   i moved the cheese aside on the corner so you could see the mix.
 finished product.   i really need a deeper dish but you get the idea.

of course, when we have anything with tomato sauce, it gets chocolate milk.   it just tastes better with chocolate milk.   

t-rex agrees!

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

weave across

this was just a quickie on a busy day.   i split the hair like you see.   one side from the front and the other side from the behind.   then i tied them in an over hand knot and kept wrapping until i got to the opposite side and then just wove it back to the center and banded it together.  

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

spider braid

 i have seen this how to picture going around face book and decided to try it out.   it worked out well but i can't find where this picture was originally posted.  sorry, i do try to give credit where it's due so i posted the picture instead.

it's pretty simple, it's not great for a running in out and though kind of day, but did fine for a regular school day.   we had a few strands come loose but it still looked fine by the end of the day.
 as you can see, you split the hair, make a pony tail in the center and braid around it bringing in pieces from the pony as you go.  
 at the bottom , you could go with two separate braids, braid the 6 pieces to gather or just do like i did and overlap the braids and join the sections and continue with a regular braid.

 super cute.   it does leave a little bump in the middle, you could make it higher with a larger band or small like i did with a small, loose rubber band.   this would be fun on halloween and just do 4 pieces on each side and then color them to really look like a spider, you could even go fancier and braid a little and wrap it into a center roll for the body.  how awesome would that be?   i thought about braiding section of the pony to bring into the outer ring but just didn't have time.   as i have more time to try these ideas out, of course, i'll take pictures and update you.   like i could resist that!   my dear princess knows that if i do something different, she's going to have to hold still for pictures at some point.   even if it's in front of the school or as she's getting into the car.    what a patient princess.

Sunday, March 10, 2013

12 months of Christmas

we encourage the kids to read their scriptures every night.   i read to my blond curls out of the friend magazine every night.   it's a magazine put out by our church for kids.   we read and re-read the articles.   one of the articles we read was this one - my gift to Jesus .   it's about a family tradition for Christmas.   every person decides on a gift they are going o give Jesus.   their gift is being better in something.   the girl in the story choose to be nice to her sister for instance.

i've been really trying to find ways to encourage the kids to be better on a daily basis.   just trying to find better habits for everyone.   i decided that this was a good one to add to our good habits.   i started us on the 12 months of Christmas.   we totally missed january but i think you should start thing when you get there and not wait for a more significant time or a better time.

this is how i decided to do it.   the first sunday of every month, we set our goal for the month.   we write it down and put it in a paper pocket that we put up on our flat tree.   (the kids didn't want to take down our Christmas tree so i figured we might as well put it to use.)   february's pocket was shaped like a heart, march's is a clover, april's will probably be an egg, yada yada.   every sunday, we talk about how we have done on our goals that week.   we write about it in our journals.   (that's another thing i've been trying to encourage.   2 for 1 goals, be nicer and write in your journal!   i am good.)   i figure it helps keep the goal in mind if we talk about it and write about it every week.  we can help each other with our goals this way as well.

this last month, everyone made a little progress.   i think as it becomes more of a habit, it will stick better.   everything is a process.   and, you just have to keep at it.   here we are in the second way of march setting march's goals.   everyone was sick last week so we totally missed everything last week.   you just have to let those set backs go and keep moving forward.  

there ya have the "big plan" at our house.

Saturday, March 9, 2013

i will survive ... but will you?

today has been one of those days where my princess has been a diva and my curly boy has been a demon.   the day isn't quite over yet, but so far, i have managed to not yell.   i hugged the diva and then calmed her down instead of sending her to her room.   i took the curly boy's face in my hand and talked to him, on his level.   some days, sending them to their rooms is best for everyone.   some days, a swat on the but is just what is needed.   most important, they have all survived this long.  i think i can manage that one more day. . . . we'll see


churches of germany

 one of the things that has struck me all over germany, is the church towers.   i love the older ones.   they are beautiful.   when you drive around germany, there are a lot of little towns dotting the country.   cities don't usually grow together like in the states.   one of the great things about these little towns, is it's individual church.   as you drive around, you pass towns and can see the main church bell tower sticking up out into the skyline.   you can always see the church tower.   larger cities grow up and over them, but the towns, always have this high point in their skyline.  

here's another piece of interesting history.   i noticed that in our town, there are a lot of large crucifixes on the road side.   just driving down the road, there is a 4-8 ft tall crucifix.  a friend of mine was finally able to explain it.   germany has had freedom of religion for a very long time.   but back in the "old days" this meant that you could be protestant or catholic.   many towns, especially small ones, divided into those religions.   you could not be a protestant and live in a catholic town.   so catholic towns had the familiar crucifixes erected all over the town.   if you watch as you drive around, some towns have them, others not.   the ones without, were one of 3 things: a protestant town, a mixed town, or a newer town.   the town we live in celebrated it's 850th birthday last year!   yeah, seriously!   the tallest thing in this town, is the catholic church, there are crucifixes all over the town.   it was a catholic town.   it now has an evangelistic church in it as well.    
 this is a more modern church tower in a little town near us.  all of the old churches have church towers.   there were not many new churches until recently history.   but now, modern churches almost feel incomplete without a bell tower.   a friend of mine was telling me about her church 's fund raisers and excitement over getting a small bell tower for their church.
 this is actually the bell tower of the bruchsal palace.   it's not actually very old because it has been destroyed and then rebuilt from wars.
 this is another bell tower in bruchsal.   obviously an older one. 

another beautiful church in bruchsal

 this is michealsberg church.  it sits up on a hill and overlooks the whole valley under it.  it is a favorite picnic and evening walk spot.   we walked up part of the hill one time.   it was a really long walk.   the view is amazing!   there is actually a stone with a plaque pointing out in all directions to all of the various towns you can spot from there.   it's pretty cool.
this is actually a little, and i mean tiny, church tucked into a back road on the way up the hill to michealsberg.



 some of these, are just pictures that reflect my church tower obsession.   i have drug my kids though a few of them.  most have just been snapshots while running through the town for some other reason.




 this is actually the church in our town.   when we first got here, i took a video of the church bells.  here's a quick description of what that's all about.   church bells traditionally were the way to keep the town on time.   they still ring every quarter hour.   most have a specific way to ring so you know if it's 15 after, 15 til etc.   our bells are a basic ding ding dong for each 15 minutes and then at the hour, it tolls once for each hour.   the cool thing is at certain times of the day when the bells signal special things.   this was the original wake up call.   at 6 am, the bells toll like i show in the video.   then they do it again at noon to call lunch time and again at 8 pm to signal the end of the day.   obviously, this was traditionally meant for the farmers and towns people before the time of every household having a clock.

the other time these bells toll like this is at the time of someone's death, birth, or marriage.   they also toll on sundays to call people to services and on other special occasions.
i will add pictures as i find or take more.   i also want to put in some from inside.   the inside of these places are amazing to me.   just stay tuned.   same bat time, same bat channel . . .hee hee, batman and the bell towers.  

Sunday, March 3, 2013

miss, but do not mourn

i laid down in bed, i read and prayed and started to go to sleep.   my mind wandered and then i remembered leaning over my brother's casket and tucking something in.   i started to cry again.   i don't know why.   it's been 7 years.   but here i am, awake, crying, i can't seem to leave the memories.   i have school tomorrow and need to go to sleep, but, i cannot lay in bed and cry the rest of the night either.   the only solution is to write.

7 years ago, i was training to be a bus driver.   i came home between ride alongs.   as i walked up the driveway to my house, i checked my messages.   my sister left a message that said, that she didn't think this was the best way to tell me but our brother had died that morning.   i couldn't walk, i slowly stumbled to the ground and cried right there in the driveway.    i started to crawl and then got to my feet to get inside the house.   i felt totally lost, i didn't know what to do.   at some point i called my job and told them i would not be coming back that day or the rest of the week.   i called my mom and grandmother.   i had to tell my 7 almost 8 year old son that his favorite uncle had passed.

the next few days seemed so strange.  i didn't understand why i should have to eat or wake up or do anything.   i would walk outside and just stand, astounded that people were still driving around, walking their dogs as if nothing had happened.   why was the world still turning?!   why was life continuing?!   why was the world not clad in black and white?!   it was as if no one knew how great a tragedy had just occurred.  there was a small logical speck of me that understood but the rest of my being was just devastated.   so, the week progressed.    we gathered at his house and recorded memories of him for his then 1 year old daughter.   we went to the funeral.   we ended up having to leave after the church service because my son had a tooth abscess and we got to make an emergency visit to the dentist to have 4 teeth pulled.   this was such a random thing to happen but probably good for my son to distract him, as strange as that is.

we still shed many tears as the weeks went by.   slowly, we adjusted.

four years later, my grandfather had a stroke.   we spent several months going to the hospital, and then brought him home to be comfortable until he passed.   we took shifts staying with him so that my grandmother could still work.   not only was she the only income after his stroke, it was good for her to have a break, something else to do.   in the midst of this, i found out that i was pregnant.   i stood at my papa's bed side and told him about his next great grandchild that was on the way.   i prayed that he would hold on to see him born.   the look in my grandfather's eyes when he held a grandbaby for the first time is something that no words can describe.

the first sunday in april, i lay in bed, still pregnant, when my husband said words that i had been having nightmares about.   he woke me up and asked if i wanted to go down and say good-bye.   my papa had passed away.   i said it was too late to say good-bye, then rolled over and cried.   he went down and helped my mom and grandma prepare my grandfather's body for the mortuary.

later that day, we had to tell the kids.   our two children had grown up spending an immense amount of time with him.  it is a gift that most do not get.

we spent the day with my grandmother, a strange few hours with my grandfather's body waiting for the mortuary.   we kind of floated through the day in a fog.   people came, and people went.   some stayed for a while, some brought food, some just wanted to stop to offer condolences, but all were lost as to what to say.   they all wanted to make it better, to ease the suffering, to heal the wound.   it is a helpless place to be.

again, the week went by.   this time we were busy with funeral plans and trying to not think about it.    we had the funeral, we had the bag pipes play, we had the service men come and give my grandmother a folded flag, we had to go home at some point, we cried, and we prayed.

this time, the weeks went by, but i did not adjust.   i found myself in a well.   i was mourning.   i knew i could not just let go and sink into the depths of despair, but it was all i wanted to do.   i sank deeper and deeper.   the mourning was overpowering.

then, one night, still pregnant, i got up to go to the bathroom.   i was still drifting in this ever darkening place.  i walked by the mirror by my bedroom door.   i saw myself in my big white sleep shirt.   it seemed to glow.   for one fleeting instance, i was in a heavenly place.    i understood.   it was one of those moments when a world is revealed without words and words cannot explain it.

why do i tel you all of this?   over the last year, i have had friends lose loved ones.   i have heard people ask, "what do i do?   what do i say?"  i feel compelled to tell you all of this so you know.     the answer is: nothing.

that was lots of help wasn't it?

it really is the answer.

this is what i say to you if you are in this place.   if you are suffering, if you have lost, this is all i can offer.

nothing is going to make it better.   time will not heal it, words are empty.    it will never in this life be ok.   now, here is the good news, you will get used to it.   it will not get better but you will adjust to it.   you will continue living your life but you will have to change some of the things that you do.   it's like losing an appendage.   you will live through it, but it will require you to learn a new way to do it.

if you find that you are not adjusting, you are sinking, mourning uncontrollably.   here is what i learned in that split second in white.   you are not this body.  we are all spirits.   spirits are forever.   the body is only flesh.   the person, the personality, the humor, the love, the memories, the moments, are in the spirit.   the spirit lives forever.   all of the things you miss in that person, are still there, still intact.    you can't see them or touch them, but they are still the same person, alive and well.  to you, i say, miss them, but do not mourn them.   they are not gone, they are not even far away.   allow yourself to live.   allow yourself to adjust.

for you that suffer, i am sorry.   for those who try to comfort those who suffer, i am also sorry.  you are helpless to help.   make them dinner, bring them cards, do all of the things that we do to try to help each other through rough times.    but don't worry if you can't seem to comfort them.   you can't, and that is ok.

 i heard a talk recently from a man who lost his son that explained it pretty well.   here is the link if you would like to reference it.

because I live, ye shall live also.

now, if you take nothing more from this that a few words, take these.




it will never in this lifetime be ok, but you WILL adjust.

and MISS, but do not MOURN. 


remember, people may say, "i'm sorry for your loss."   but they are not lost.   you know right where they are.   never doubt, they are keeping track of you as well.


i'm back now, with an update. . . or whatever.   


this morning, i got on fb and found that a dear friend and family member had passed away.  i had begun to think i could handle this, that i had some experience.   while i do have experience, and some very good advice, i have also discovered that, for me, every time is different in some way.  

we've all been talking in my head, (because i am cheaper and more helpful than any therapist), and i keep telling myself the things that i told you in this post.   but for some reason, i just keep answering, "but, i'm not ok.".     i know i don't have to be ok.      i know that it will never be ok.       i know all of this, so why am i not ok with not being ok?   (how's that for really technical terms that eloquently explain the situation?)

actually, i have an answer.   (how's that for results?)   it's because it really stinks!   (too technical?)    you can know that it stinks.    you can try to prep yourself.   you can think your ready.   you can think that you know how to deal and be logical, philosophical,  analytical and any other -icals you rely on.   ultimately, and unfortunately, you have to go through the tough stuff.   you have to pass through this stinkin' rotten, awful, questioning, hurting, "not ok" part.   i dealt with it today, and will surely deal with it in days to come, with tears.   with memories.   maybe its harder to only share those memories with myself.   it was good to talk and laugh and remember my papa and brother with others.  maybe, listening to memories is something you can do for those that mourn.  laughing, and crying, and sharing the life is important.

i have over the last year, come to another conclusion.   ironically, death and birth have some things in common.   you can think your ready, and prepared, but your not.  you can think you know what to expect, but you don't.    and, both have some really stinky parts to them.   here's the strange part, stick with me and wrap your brain around this - we live as spirits, we leave that realm, that part of our souls life and come to this mortal part of the journey.   a death and birth of sorts from one to the other.  then, we put down this mortal body and our soul continues it's journey from her to the next part of the journey, a death and a birth, of sorts.   each time, we leave people we love and join other people we love.   but, when you know that the soul is the true personality, taking lessons and experience from one to the other, it doesn't seem so bad.   still stinks, because you miss those that have moved on.   but,  it isn't so sad and you realize something.   to quote the great bambi's mom's words, "it seems long, but it won't last forever.".