Thursday, July 18, 2013

struggling thankful thursday

this week has been full of ups and downs.    this week i was hit with some info that i am something that i never considered myself.   usually, it's not too disturbing.   i have been called a good many things that others might consider not good.   this time, it bothered me.   earlier in the week, we were discussing german family, living in germany, etc.   our teacher put up some numbers that are considered poverty levels.   i have always struggled when it comes to money, that has never bothered me.   but when he threw those numbers up, i was surprised.   not fully prepared for it, just out of curiosity and almost a joke, i crunched the numbers per person for my family numbers. . . .
at first, it was just as i knew, we are struggling.   but then our teacher said something that struck me.   he said anyone that falls below the numbers is below poverty level.   i was way below those numbers, like a little over half maybe two thirds of those numbers.   those words started to sting for some reason.   i don't know why.   i consider poverty to be homeless, no computer, no cell phone, no food.   i may not have a laptop, or a modern cell phone, but i can still access the internet, call on the go and feed my family at a dining room table every night.    yes, we are struggling, but in poverty?!

after class, i cried most of the bike ride home.   i don't know why.

this has been klunking around in my head for the rest of the week.

but, life goes on, what do i care what someone labels me?   i had things to do.

i had treats for kids classes to make and a birthday party to plan.   oven is doing something weird . . . can't afford to fix or replace, working on fixing but until then  . . . .adapt!   so we made rice krispie treats, popcorn balls, anything that doesn't need baked.   no problem.

then, my klunking struggling question was halted today.   the tomboy princess came home and told me that the kids in her class think it's great that she always brings something different than everyone else.

that's it!   i get it!   my struggling makes me creative.   it makes me work outside the norms.   it makes me think, it makes me work, it makes me push my limits!

i realized as i was riding my bike to pick up the blonde curls because gas for the car is so expensive.   i realized again, i am being pushed to be stronger!  i am being pushed to be more independent!  i am being stretched in every way!   i would not do that to myself.   lack of monetary resources push me to be more!

today i am grateful for my struggling.   i do not accept the title of poverty.   i don't have to.   i don't have to feel myself a victim, or doing without.   i don't have to see my situation as hard and i don't have to accept anything that tells me otherwise.

seize the day, seize the struggle, take hold of anything that is in your way.   grab it, throttle it, then launch yourself from the crumbling heap.   take advantage of every struggle.   make it your hill top where you can see your world more clearly.